532 Rest

During the past two weeks, I couldn’t remember how many medicine I’ve taken. Started from the emergency pill, then 3 types of panadols (pain killer, cold&flu, fever&cough). Pills for fever, phlegm, inflammation and antibiotics, I have taken 2 rounds. High fever was gone in 3 days, but constantly low fever about 38 degree during day time, at night, bad cough that I couldn’t lie down and breath for a minute.
It almost took me 1.5times effort to finish up the assignment, and the last submission was that close to deadline, only 1 hour away. So this time round, I don’t really expect high ranks, but pls all pass.

The cough is so intense, till the chest muscles are suffering from huge pain, lots of phlegm as well, running between toilet and bedroom, strengthless and no appetite at all, the badly inflamed throat affect the inner ear balance, and lacking of sleep, always feel like flying during the days.

Then I know, I have to cut-off all external connections but to get along well with myself. The body collapse. Tomato, apple, food, ear plug, aircon, my bed and pillow. Sleep for two entire days. I need this.

Then after some friday night chitchat,  I remember T told me, when he was back to single life style 10 years ago, soon he was used to it and even he met other girls, he still tend to forget them, the example he gave was, if two of them in a house, he would make a coffee for himself, but literately forget about hers, till she asked about it.

It hits me last night, that is happening. I would rather thinking this is some sort forming of a bad habit, which still could be changed when my situation is getting better, rather than telling myself, I’ve lost the interest because sensing different needs after the chitchat. He is a decent guy, cares about partner’s bed time pleasure. I wasn’t sure is it because he refuses to give other pleasure such as emotion and feelings, but I emphasised, I need to feel been protected, secure and treasured.

Then I wore the earplug and travel eye blinders and slept through the days and nights. Without any msgs and calls. I know, it’s getting more and more weird. It’s so weird that this time I have no desire to explain and verify.

Sex is just a small part of life. And that’s not my biggest need right now. It’s good to have some fun with a person you are interested in.
The highest level of sex is the mixture of emotions, desire, lust and appreciation. That is how two people could spiritually and physically connect together.

That is the highest level of enjoyment, the meaning of having sex and love, and two of you become a single one.

So, stop asking me, what makes me feel good and in what way. We are not robots. I feel people, I do emotions.


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