527 Happy Easter Day

E came over the night before.
How could I be a perfectionist, I’m doing things so fast, so careless and not observant enough.
We had simple dinner, watched two movies, and had another moscato.
The body got to know each other better, while the distance is getting larger.
He’s very intense and clean but don’t really care the things which doesn’t interest him. This is really difficult, unlike the other guys, I can’t feel anything.

The next morning I suggested breakfast, he refused and went back to continue sleep. Many questions pop-up, I was so scared  but still didn’t ask any. I don’t ask questions is not because I don’t care, is because I think if you feel comfortable with a person, you will start to tell her more about yourself and life and involve her in your plans, that’s the way to build up trust. So we didn’t really discuss where you will be the rest of your days and what are my plans.

I remembered I asked someone before, “what is your expectation of me”, the person replied “I’ve no expectation.” I think back that scene, he was literately telling me, “I don’t see the future we are being together.” Then one day I left him and withdraw all my attention from him.

E, is that true that you don’t give, don’t take, don’t tell and he don’t want anything from me.
I feel there is no way to get closer to you, is that the ‘Stoned’ thing you were referring to? Wtf…

He mentioned “I like your place, is like a hotel.” Then quickly added “oh, much better and nicer than a hotel of course”. For that moment, I really want to slap him in the face by telling me this. But I didn’t say a single fucking word out. Is that the right way how you treat the person likes you and want to spend some good time with you?
Then again, I wouldn’t slap you in the face, but just hide the hard feelings and walk away. Because I respect you and myself and that is my way of closure.

Alright, it’s my problem and you don’t wanna talk about it, I will sort it out.

The body was too excited and tired, slept a few hours and I went to school to meet A.
A said, if E and I continue this situation, soon things will die off.
A is still sleeping in the guest room, we worked till late last night and supposed to finish BRA by today.
A told me the plan, after graduation, study another 2 languages and find a job in Europe. She is very independent and motivated, I like her simpleness just like me before the D thing happened. I didn’t tell E, the D thing changed me from extrovert to introvert, and the MBA worsen the situation. A agrees that MBA makes us more paranoid nowadays as you could see things with a much clearer and holistic view, then you get to talk lesser and lesser. And it is really more difficult to stay motivated after you sense all these shits.

It’s really damn hurting sometimes, but I couldn’t tell anybody. As usual.
Holly universe, need your guidance.


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